Leftovers

Stuck in time.

I tried so hard to pull you out.

You’re not interested.

You don’t want to move on.

With the rest of us.

So.

I have to leave you behind.

Do you realize.

I’m the only one in the family.

Who still remotely tries.

To have a relationship with you?

Who actually cares to have one?

Silly to think I could repair it.

Bring our family together.

Generational curses.

Rooted deep.

The plight of the oldest child.

Forever the diplomat.

The peacemaker no one wants.

Praiseworthy perfectionist.

Striving for a standard of harmony.

Beyond what humans are capable of.

Never giving up.

Were the good grades not enough?

The praise of my teachers?

My athletic talents?

My excellent manners and obedience?

Making sure we all looked good?

My undying loyalty to the name?

Despite the reputation?

Ugh.

Leave well enough alone.

But…

It’s not well.

It’s broken.

Leave it that way.

Why?

Just…

Leave it alone.

Sigh…

Alright then.

Your wish is my reluctant command.

There are times.

I feel like I fit nowhere.

You know that?

I do not consider myself better than

But…

Why was I born into such utter stubbornness?

Abuse.

Addiction.

Mental illness at its finest.

Back when no one talked about it.

Sought help for it.

No…

Those were chains.

I had to break on my own.

And you think I care to…

What?

Carry on this mess of a line?

There was a time.

The oldest in me would have.

Just to prove it could be done.

And done right.

Not that any of you care.

But…

There are so many reasons now.

Why I won’t.

So many reasons why.

No more children will be passed down.

Down this…

Turbulent river of blood.

It stops.

Now.

At least…

With me it does.

I’ll love what is left.

I’ll love the path of least resistance.

Like you all do.

No one cares to dig any deeper.

I get it.

I’m the thorn in your side who sees right through you.

The thorn in your side.

Who isn’t afraid anymore.

To call you all out.

With painful accuracy.

I have a voice.

Finally.

But…

No one wants to hear it.

It’s too late.

So…

Why bother?

Just…

Love what is.

And be thankful.

There is anything left to love.

7 thoughts on “Leftovers

  1. “Forever the diplomat.
    The peacemaker no one wants.”
    I absolutely loved this line, resonated so much with me. This was really powerful, words were spot on. A beautiful piece, great work Cavelle ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, AB! 😊❤ It’s tough when all you want is peace and everyone else involved seems to want a cold war 😑 Unfortunately, I think there may be more of us who feel this kind of defeat than not. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in that regard. 🌸Thank you so much for reading and always for your kind words, AB! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Shit, this is such an impactful poem and it is powerful. How many more chances can you give to someone who will likely never change? I had to learn this with a distant relative, how despite they say they care, I’ve never seen them in person from the day I was born. Never. Why? All excuses especially as they try to guilt trip me into visiting them when they never made the effort to get to know me. I thought of them with this piece, and it’s just poignant. I just love this poem for the emotions it brings up, the honesty in it, and the finality in it that says “I tried and you never tried, so I must stop for my own mental health.”

    I also really resonated with this stanza:

    “It’s too late.

    So…

    Why bother?

    Just…

    Love what is.

    And be thankful.

    There is anything left to love.”

    Sorry if I went on a rant here, but I really adore this piece. I’m going to save it so I can come back to it and re-read it again, it’s just that good. ❤ ❤ Beautifully penned.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh wow, Lucy! Thank you so much 😊❤ I am never bothered by a rant lol I live for them 🌸 It makes me emotional to know you were moved so strongly by this piece. It’s painful and incredibly frustrating to have to just accept it is not going to change and yes, the fact the effort is so one-sided. I seem to be a glutton for punishment in the second chances department 😑 Oh, and yes, the guilt trips 🙄 Their complete lack of effort is somehow your fault…I’m sorry you have had a similar type of experience but I’m glad you chose you in the end. 🌸The torture just isn’t worth it after awhile. Not even for the sake of poetry lol. Thank you so much for reading and relating. It means a lot to me. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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