What It Takes For Me To Wash The Dishes.

I hate my body.

I hate that I am not taking care of it.

I’m too lazy.

I hate that too.

I hate that my mind is trapped.

I hate the anxiety at just the mere thought of existing.

I hate stupid shit just staring me in the face.

I hate that it’s easy as hell

And I just sit there…

Stuck.

Fucking stuck.

Procrastination.

Has nothing on me.

Guilt, fear, frustration, anger…

Depression.

I don’t just need pills.

I need therapy.

I need God.

I need freedom.

I need an education.

No, not high school.

A “real” one.

I’m tired of pretentious pricks.

I’m tired of people downplaying what I know to be true.

Putting me in a box so they don’t have to deal with it.

Do I honestly have to exaggerate that bad for you to fucking get it?

Really?

Ugh.

Yes.

Stop here if you’re over it.

Or enter at your own risk.

Welcome to bipolar disorder.

Welcome to anxiety.

Welcome to wanting to punch something.

Anything.

Welcome to screaming into a pillow.

But let’s face it.

That doesn’t really work.

Welcome to small town ignorance.

Everyone goes through it…

Just…

Take deep breaths…

You know what?

Go fuck yourself.

Always holding it in.

Oh yes.

I’m fine.

Ha!

Yes!

You’re right!

Thank you!

Thank you for fixing me!

Just like that.

What a doctor you are!

Self taught I take it?

I would have never figured it out!

Without you.

No…

See…

I’m not fine.

Stop telling me that I am.

Just stop.

Don’t talk to me.

Don’t look at me.

Don’t come near me.

Don’t psychoanalyze me.

If you were in my mind right now.

If you really knew what you were talking about.

You would run.

You would fucking run.

Drama much?

Never enough at this party!

And at the end of the day.

You know who cares about this shit?

No one.

No one actually cares.

Drama queen.

Get over it.

Always making a big deal out of nothing.

You don’t really feel that way.

You make yourself feel that way.

You will your shit into existence.

Given you’re so damn lazy.

It’s a wonder you have any will at all.

Funny how you work so hard at your bullshit.

Too bad you can’t pour that into something productive.

*Cue the longest internal scream that will never escape my lips*

There…

That’s better.

All good now.

It was nothing.

It was just…

A moment…

Now let’s wash the dishes.

7 thoughts on “What It Takes For Me To Wash The Dishes.

    • Phew! It’s nice to know it’s not just me! lol, however, I don’t wish for you to feel the same way ā¤ You know, I wasn't going to post this initially. It was going to be one of those, purge and delete moments but now I'm glad that I posted it. It seems more people can relate to what I am normally afraid to show than I thought. Thank you for reading and relating! šŸ™‚ ā¤

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I love the fact that you put it out here and I’m pretty sure this wasn’t all. There are so many things that can’t be said and I felt everything, maybe not as bad as you, but I did. I hope you washed the dishes well enough, haha. You have a great day Cavelle, take care! Much love ā¤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks AB! ā¤ Lol yes, the dishes were ultimately washed.šŸ˜ŽšŸ‘ Just have been needing to let go of the toxic dialogue running through my head without caring how it looks or sounds. Poetry definitely helps with that. Hooe you have an awesome day! šŸŒø

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re absolutely right, poetry helps with that. You don’t really have to worry about how it looks or sounds, if it makes sense, as long as it’s helping you out. Wish you the best ā¤

        Liked by 1 person

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