Take A Shower

Soft rain falling

I stand outside

But it washes nothing

Still dirty

Disgusting

Shameful

Existing among beauty

Able to admire it

Never to become it

The glares of self hate

As I look into a mirror with no reflection

I shouldn’t be here

Yet I am

This shouldn’t work

But it does

It has to

Oh the immense hate of it all

Of putting one foot in front of the other

In this vapid world

I despise every minute of it

I want to scream

I want not to exist

Not this way at least

But here I am

Self loathing

A waste

Trying to find meaning

Purpose

All the clichés that make me sick

I’m ok

I’m just not happy

Not today

Very much not today

And I hate the invisible trap

Of procrastination

It’s not ok

I hate this

Why can’t it just be OK?

So stuck

My mind is lying

It loves doing that

Forcing me to figure it out

In a poem

Snippets of the war in my mind

Exam them

Access it

Obsess over it

Knowing it’s a very intense moment

As I write out the poison

I find myself connecting with reality again

It’s ok now

It will happen again

But it’s ok now

Just snap out of it

It’s actually ok

No really

Stop convincing yourself it’s not

Get up off the couch

And take a shower

You haven’t in days

At least if you’re not happy

Hate the current moment

You feel something

It’s enough fuel to make it

To the shower

Stop fantasizing about the rain washing away all your metaphorical crap

And take a damn shower

You’ll feel better

Trust me

Sincerely,

Your rational thought.

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